There is a new campus webzine (on-line magazine, for all you older readers) called the Williams Rumor. It is “dedicated to encouraging conversation, identifying common interests, providing feedback, and fostering a community of ideas.” Alas, it does not (yet) have permalinks so there is no way to link directly to particularly interesting articles. However, the very first article, “10 things to do if you get a homophobic email” by Alexandra Grashkina ’04 is so good that I can’t resist quoting the entire piece.

1. Homophobic opinions are part of our campus life and it is better that people speak them out rather than bottle them up inside their homophobic self. So, next time are told that you will go to hell, take it as a friendly expression of different opinions.

2. DO NOT, under any circumstances, tell other people who sent you the email: they might hate and ostracize the person who called you a faggot instead of patting him on the shoulder and giving him candy as they duly should. After all, if someone offends you via email, you are not supposed to tell other people at all.

3. Think about how you provoked the email. I mean, you played porn at the Queer Bash. No other groups on campus do that. I mean, think about it: if the Garfield Republican Club had played porn, they would not get away with it.

4. Remember that the person who sent you the email is not the problem. The problem is that homophobia does exist in all of American society and individuals are not to be punished. It is kind of like global warming, it’s everybody’s problem.

5. Remember those chalkings you wrote all over campus? Well, not everybody likes them. Even some gay people do not. And you are not supposed to write stuff people do not like (unless it’s a homophobic statement, of course)

6. Now that this person has sent you an offensive email instead of bottling up their feelings about homosexuality, you can try to change their opinion. So when they say “You disgust me,” you can say, “But I like you,” for example.

7. You should welcome people’s opinions about your sexuality. In fact, you should urge all of campus to send you one and tell you what they think.

8. You should apologize to the sender for making his name known to the community.

9. You should keep watching porn but only when you get together with the Garfield republicans.

10. And if you write chalkings, next time put, “Excuse us if you don’t like it, but we, oh, well, we are gay.”

11. For more tips, read the Record.

Of course, to get some of these references, you need to have read the coverage in the Record. Number 4 had me laughing out loud.

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