Since anchor housing is still not dead, we have no choice but to mock it. Fortunately, Seth Brown ’01, who’s main site is RisingPun, is here to help. Consider his limerick.

Anchors, Away!

If it’s clear that so few students hanker
For a housing plan based on an anchor,
Before sealing their fate
We should well contemplate
Why the plan has been meeting with rancor.

If the entry you’re in your first year
Fills each day with delight and good cheer,
You can say “You’re all great,
So let’s co-habitate
For the rest of the time that we’re here.”

But if your first year isn’t so blessed,
And housemates cause you constant distress,
Playing loud songs at night
While you’re up at first light,
Or constantly drinking to excess,

Then the next year is cause to rejoice,
Since of your housemates, you have a choice.
You can live with those who
Are more quiet like you
And are less prone to raising their voice.

Those who might not fit in with the norm,
Have a place to feel cozy and warm.
That’s why we are all fearing
Social engineering
That forces us into a dorm.

Is there really that much to be gained,
By forcing housemates that will be strained?
All the goals I’ve perceived
Would be better achieved
If the current system was maintained.

What’s the goal? Do we need more house pride?
That’s a thing anchors just can’t provide.
If you say, “You’ll like X,”
You’ll do nothing but vex;
People like things more when they decide.

Not each house needs a Party – (big P)
Some have gatherings more quietly.
And on Friday night’s end
It’s great you can depend
On your house having something low-key.

Now of course, that house is one you choose,
If you want drinks, pick into House Booze.
But the ability
To choose what’s good for ME
Is an option the college shouldn’t lose.

Did you claim we should be more diverse?
You should try to define “diverse” first.
Many dorms as it stands
Have students from all lands,
All religions, all contents of purse.

Unless “diverse” is what you would call
Those with nothing in common at all.
In that case, anchor’s great,
Live with people you hate,
Asthmatics with smokers down the hall.

We’ll be in a much better position
If we stick with the current conditions.
Seniors do (Oh my gosh!)
Hang with sophomores and frosh
And enjoy it, since done from volition.

We’ve got house character now, it’s distinct.
Some party loudly, some read and think.
Which is why we’re dismayed–
If this anchor’s not weighed,
Then in small housing clusters, we’ll sink.

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