To whoever destroyed our common room:
Thank you for upending bowls of pretzels, chips, salsa and popcorn and smearing cupcakes onto our televison. Thank you for pulling our refrigerator away from our wall and emptying 2 liter bottles of soda onto our floor. Thank you for completely and unapologetically ignoring the mulititude of Record articles and all-campus e-mails regarding respect towards others and towards our campus and continuing to behave like douchebags. We really appreciate having to take an hour to clean everything up – it makes for a super fun Saturday night. We’re sure your mothers are proud.
Love, the extremely angry and disgusted women of Gladden 2.
But how hard is it to investigate who did the deed? My understanding is that you need to swipe a card to get into Gladden, or have the door held for you by someone who did. We therefore have a listing of everyone coming in and/or their helpers. We also know (more or less?) when the vandalism took place.
So, publish the list of everyone who went into and out of Gladden with an hour or two of the event. (Or at least give the list to College Council or the Record.) Investigate these folks. Ask them if they held the door for anyone and, if so, who. See if they are likely miscreants. (If they were friends with the women in Gladden 2, they are unlikely vandals.) Check to see where else the possible suspects went that night. Interview others to check on drunkenness.
This may all seem to police-state for our more screemish readers, but a community that does not govern itself is not always a fun community to reside in. And don’t forget my plan.