I received this email today from an anonymous professor, and per DK’s suggestion, felt obligated to pass it on to the Ephblog readership:

I was originally going to send this to David Kane, but I figured I’d better go straight to my main man Zeeman so my words won’t be edited.  I have some VERY BIG NEWS.  Morty Schapiro is not, in fact, leaving to head up Northwestern.  Rather, he is taking the faculty members who are fed up with this Nike camp with enrichment classes, along with half of the snack bar’s honeybun supply (screw the library books — those are obsolete in any event), to found a totally bad-ass Williams 2.0.  We are taking over Bennington’s campus as soon as it files for bankruptcy, and we will call it OBERMORE.  There will be no varsity sports nor alcohol permitted on campus — this place is for future PhD’s and Peace Corp volunteers only.   Anyone who is hired by a consulting firm or investment bank will have his or her diploma retroactively rescinded.  We will require 40 hours of reading per week, plus an additional 40 hours of community service (options for service include grading exams, babysitting our kids, washing our cars, and babysitting our kids while they wash our cars).  Admissions will be based strictly on MERIT, aka, the top 400 scoring applicants on the SAT will be admitted, regardless of race, religion, family background, economic status, or useless time wasters like shooting basketballs.  OK, one exception: no fatties.  Peace out losers — I’ll see you all next fall at noephsblog.com.

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