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Respect Our Diversity

Hilarious or insulting? Depends on your point of view.

A Petition from the Williams Students for More Clothing Coalition, the Williams Center for Genital Covering, and the Quaint Students for Underpants:

Decent and Honorable members of The Williams Community,

Today was scarred with the most morally degrading event in the history of Williams College and possibly all of human time. Four young adults, wearing nothing but their bare epidermis, sprinted through the final Psychology 101 lecture shouting like the rambunctious naked yahoos that they were. Any decent human being knows that impure bodily organs should only be revealed in private. They are not meant for the public sphere-that is why you can only see butts on cable or satellite. The flapping cocks and bouncing breasts that violated the morning of hundreds of Williams students today cannot be taken lightly.

On this occasion we are called to drastic action-SOUND THE ALARM- MAN THE BARRICADES! Starting tonight we will camp out in Chapin Hall until the college recognizes that the clothed community is under attack. In an act of recognition that they see us as a population under suppression, the college administration must give us our own gigantic lecture hall to complain constantly every time a woman reveals her ankles or a man takes off his shirt during a pick-up game of basketball in which neither team is designated skins. There is no possible way to stop the oppression of the clothed students at Williams except to seize a precious piece of campus property. In order for us to feel secure, we also issue the following demands:

1. A full-time Campus Undergarment Coordinator to preempt potential nudity.
2. Cameras in all bedrooms and shower stalls to ensure students remain clothed at all times-even in the most private of spaces.
3. A Human Shame and Clothing Major offered immediately. Why study worthwhile things at college like linguistics when we could have so much more fun sucking the life from the already dire school budget situation in order to retreat into a small-minded surcease of sorrow, immersed in the history of one superficial human characteristic?

Remember: the best way to start seeing people as individuals with equal rights is not to assess them based on the power of their intellect or the content of their character, but it is to dwell on the inconsequential differences that separate them from others. At Williams, we ought to devote our academics to that vision, and Women’s and Gender Studies cannot hold down the fort alone.

We have to deal with the uncomfortable reality that the clothing community has not yet been able to claim Williams as its own. Once we have our coordinator, major, and lecture hall, we feel that it will be physically impossible for anyone on campus offer the opposite and obviously incorrect view. They could never choose to sprint around in the nude or even whisper words like ‘gonad’ and ‘bollocks’ in passing. Our Underwear Coordinator and Clothing Major will be armed with magical force fields to protect us from any offensive behavior whatsoever. We ought to feel comfortable on this campus, and who is better suited to the task of protecting the weak than our representatives? We urge the College Council to be our protector, our cock block.

If you disagree with us, we respect the right of your opinion to exist, but we refuse to acknowledge its validity. We all have a right to free speech, but there is a hierarchy of rights as well, and the right to free speech must only flow from the right to not be offended.

Our freedom to speech has been endowed to us both legally and by the mere fact that we are rational, thinking creatures. This unlimited freedom is constrained by our obligation to forever remain politically correct. Since the clothing community has been offended first and loudest on this issue, the podium belongs to us and no one else. Because it is our view of moral truth, we have every right to demand that the whole campus subscribes to it.

Please respect our diversity.

Please.

Compare and contrast with the College Council’s letter in support of the Hardy House occupation and the original demands.

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#1 Comment By ’10 On December 11, 2009 @ 9:37 pm

Hilarious.

#2 Comment By Ken Thomas ’93 On December 12, 2009 @ 12:48 am

Resistance is surrender.

#3 Comment By epher On December 12, 2009 @ 1:37 am

SO good!

#4 Comment By Ronit On December 12, 2009 @ 2:29 am

I can’t take it anymore. I am resigning from EphBlog. Goodbye, cruel blog.

#5 Comment By frank uible On December 12, 2009 @ 5:17 am

Insult begets hilarity.

[Edited by DK to remove weird spam detection stuff and ip addresses. Is this really from Frank or are we being spoofed somehow?]

#6 Comment By Jr. Mom On December 12, 2009 @ 9:45 am

Pretty funny stuff. But as Dave points out, it all depends on your vantage point.

Ronit @4:

Nice little underhanded jab to Will, and Sam, and for that matter, anyone who doesn’t quite see EphBlog in the same way that you do. Their vantage points, as faculty and active student on campus, are a far different perch than yours. As for lightening up and sporting thicker skin, we could all stand to do that, myself included, but meanwhile, don’t anyone say “Kaneblog”. Please.

#7 Comment By hwc On December 12, 2009 @ 11:01 am

I don’t actually think that the cycle of:

1) incident
2) response to incident
3) mocking of response

is particularly beneficial to the diversity efforts at Williams College. In fact, I would love to see the campus community figure out how to break that cycle.

#8 Comment By rory On December 12, 2009 @ 11:10 am

@hwc: agreed. i vote let bad mockery die on wso without excess publicity. also, i prefer the wso title: “PENIS! Now that I have your attention… PENIS!”

i still find it weird that an alum from the 80s reads wso posts.

#9 Comment By David On December 12, 2009 @ 11:25 am

Rory: I teach at Williams. Have you noticed? I care about student opinion at the places I teach. Do you?

#10 Comment By rory On December 12, 2009 @ 11:32 am

@David: i don’t read the student forums on line to engage student opinion. certainly not the posts entitled “PENIS! Now that I have your attention…PENIS!” But maybe that’s just me?

I doubt any of the many professors I interact with at Williams and at my current institution read forums like wso. they certainly don’t copy and paste from them.

and your “teaching” at williams is a winter study course. let’s be clear about that.

#11 Comment By kthomas On December 12, 2009 @ 12:49 pm

I doubt any of the many professors I interact with at Williams and at my current institution read forums like wso. they certainly don’t copy and paste from them.

You’ve established what the normative standard is…

#12 Comment By dm ’10 On December 12, 2009 @ 2:08 pm

rory: Some might find it weird that a bunch of alums from the 50s through the 00s would come together to maintain a blog devoted to a school they no longer attend. But as long as you’re doing that, I don’t see anything additionally weird about keeping up with the only other online forum devoted to Williams issues and events.

#13 Comment By Ronit On December 12, 2009 @ 2:55 pm

@rory: Quite a few professors I know check WSO from time to time. And many of them have a sense of humor.

#14 Comment By hwc On December 12, 2009 @ 7:20 pm

So to move back on topic a little bit, here’s a question for Eph students and alum:

If your friend (or child of a friend) were gay, would you recommend Williams as a notably gay-friendly campus?

#15 Comment By ’10 On December 12, 2009 @ 8:07 pm

hwc: I don’t see how that has anything to do with the topic of this thread.

but no, I wouldn’t, for the same reasons that any small, rural school is probably a bad choice. The dating scene at Williams is bad enough for straight kids. There are probably about 30 gay students of either gender, and half of them are taken or otherwise unavailable. it’s really only a good idea for a gay kid to come here if he/she either a) is already in a relationship or b) is okay with being essentially celibate for four years. never mind the culture (which is fine, imho).

#16 Comment By kthomas On December 12, 2009 @ 8:15 pm

There are probably about 30 gay students of either gender, and half of them are taken or otherwise unavailable.

Uhmmm… somehow, this reminds me of an unfortunate remark by a Yale President, in response to a poll, to the effect that certainly 10% of the Student Body was not gay, and if they were, he would do something about it.

#17 Comment By hwc On December 12, 2009 @ 8:34 pm

I dunno. It seemed more on topic than arguing about what blogs Williams professors may or may not read. Perhaps I was mistaken, but I interpreted the quoted “petition” as mocking the recent actions of the LGBT Hardy House occupation.

#18 Comment By frank uible On December 13, 2009 @ 3:44 am

No spoof.

#19 Comment By ’11 On December 13, 2009 @ 11:01 pm

@’10:

this sort of argument reminds me of myself in high school… +1